{ Society often forgives the criminal; It never forgives the dreamer }

{Bitch. Jerk.}

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English story - tell me what you think.
wedhappy
winchester_3
Hey, i just finished writing my story for english. Could you tell me if there's anything you think I should fix up?

PLEASE, be kind, but i want your advice and i will take it seriously. : )

btw. im also a bit unsure of the title.

Justice.

There lay the box; dark, majestic, appropriate for the ceremony. The coffin was closed of course. They probably would not have wanted to see the body inside, he thought. It would ‘taint’ their memories, so to speak.

This was not an unfamiliar situation for him. In fact, just recently he had attended the funeral of his own wife. There was the familiar stab of pain as he was taken back to that day. Her face had been pale, emotionless... Dead. She was dead, and he didn’t want to believe it.

“She is at peace”, they had said.

“Peace?” he wanted to laugh, “She was killed. How is that peaceful?” he had hissed.

As the pain dug deeper, he mentally wrenched it out and breathed a long sigh. A woman’s moan rang through the hall. Her delicate, gloved hands were clasped over her mouth, as she tried to stifle her cries. She did not want to belive that they would not fall on the ears of the dead yet the realization was etched on her face. From the back he could see a hand gently rest on her shoulder. A motion of comfort, care, love even.

“How nice” he thought.

His eyes drifted back to the lonely casket and he was taken back to that night. It had been hard to stay hidden, but as the city fell asleep he grew accustomed to the dark and the man became easy prey. He remembered the tinkle;e of glass as it tumbled to the floor. He remembered the man’s eyes widening at the glint of metal in his intruder’s hand. The man had searched the room, looking for an exit that he knew did not exist. He had felt a smirk twitch at the corner of his mouth as he watched this man, hopelessly caught in a web of fear. In that moment he was overcome with a rage, a rage that made him powerful against this waste of space. And so he became brutal, senseless. By the time the body was found, he was asleep, knowing that they would never find him.

The ceremony had ended. Chairs creaked and people whispered words of solace to one another as they filed out.

He looked at the casket one last time.

“Sorry.” was all he could say.

But in his mind he said, “Sorry, but this is justice.”

Eyes downcast and hands in his pockets, he walked out of the hall, unaware of a woman’s silent tears as she embraced the casket of her dead husband.


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THANIYA, THIS IS SERIOUSLY BRIlLIANT.

lol thanks louisa!
did you get the idea of the story? cos my last "draft" or watevs, it was a bit unclear.

Well arent you a depressing little thing. ;D I loved it! I never thought you had it in you Thaniya! xD It reminds me a bit of Ari's story though....

The only thing I could find to fix was this.

“Peace?” he wanted to laugh, “She was killed. How is that peaceful?” he had hissed.

It just doesn't roll that well. I think its the 'he had hissed' part but im not too sure.

Anyways, that was a really good little story! I want to see more of your writing now! :D

actually that's the first depressing story i've written in ages lol.

Thankyou very much! i didnt know i had it in me either, but i think it's a one off.

I was thinking that too, except the last time I read ari's story was when it wasn't finished yet so I DIDN'T COPY HER!!

yeh, i was thinking that too, i think I will change that.

more of my writing... you will be waiting a LOOOONG time. :D

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